As many of you know, my beloved father passed away in December. The following words were shared at his memorial service yesterday. While I don’t fully understand the compulsion to share them widely, I feel it’s important to put this tribute out into the world, honoring his memory and the profound impact he had on our lives.
The Enduring Legacy of a Dad: More Than Just a Father
Today, I was asked to share my reflections on John Currie, specifically what he was like as a father. However, I believe we need to delve a little deeper than that. We’re going to explore a subtle but significant distinction, a small lesson in semantics that separates the concept of a “FATHER” from that of a “DAD.” Many might assume these terms are perfectly interchangeable, completely synonymous with one another, but that assumption would be a mistake. Any man can be a father; that is merely a biological designation, a genetic link. But not every man has the privilege or, more accurately, the unwavering dedication required to be a Dad.
Earning the Title: What Defines a True Dad
The journey to becoming a true Dad, a cherished Dad, is one that demands immense effort, boundless patience, and a constant commitment to growth. While the title of “Father” is automatically bestowed upon the birth of a child, the revered title of “Dad” must be earned, diligently and lovingly, over the course of months, years, and even decades that follow. A Dad isn’t expected to be flawless, nor does he need to be. In fact, there will undoubtedly be moments, days, or even phases where he feels he’s falling short, perhaps even “sucking at it” as the saying goes. Yet, the defining characteristic of a Dad is his persistent willingness to adapt, to learn, to grow, and to keep trying, every single day, no matter the challenges.
The Early Years: Sleepless Nights and Unwavering Care
Consider the Dad who cradles his newly adopted infant son in his arms, holding him like the most precious, delicate cargo imaginable. This isn’t just a biological imperative; it’s the fulfillment of a deep-seated desire to be a Dad, a dream that biology may not have initially cooperated with. In that profound moment, he shares the universal thought of all new Dads: “Dear god, what incredible journey have I just embarked upon?” This Dad, alongside the new Mum, will experience countless sleepless nights over the ensuing weeks, routinely tiptoeing to the little one’s room, driven by that primal urge to simply ensure his son is still breathing.
Dads from a certain generation might look back with a touch of regret, recalling how societal norms prevented them from being present in the delivery room for their first child’s birth. But then, six years later, when times have evolved and Dads are warmly welcomed into the birthing experience, a Dad finds himself utterly captivated and enthralled by the arrival of his second daughter. According to eyewitness accounts, such a Dad might even audibly gasp in sheer amazement and wonder as he gently touches that incredibly soft, delicate newborn skin, a moment forever etched in his memory.
A true Dad is also the one who, upon returning home from a long day’s work, allows his excited five-year-old daughter to proudly carry his nightly drink up to his room as he changes. He knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that at least half of the liquid will have sloshed out of the glass by the time she reaches him. Yet, a good Dad understands that the small joy she experiences in helping far outweighs a few lost drops, knowing there’s always more gin and tonic readily available in the liquor cabinet.
Cherished Quirks and Unforgettable Memories
A Dad lovingly preserves the funny little phrases and charming mispronunciations from his children’s early years, long after they’ve outgrown them. Breakfast will forever be affectionately referred to as “Breakstest,” a beautiful sunset will always be a “chunchet,” Christmas trees remain “Kimmy Trees,” and his daughter Carolyn will continue to be called “Cadah” well into her forties. These aren’t just linguistic quirks; they are deeply personal tokens of affection, woven into the fabric of family language.
Some Dads might even take their devotion a step further, commissioning a custom vanity license plate featuring a beloved phrase coined by their child. Because truly, nothing quite encapsulates the declaration, “I am a real Dad,” like confidently driving a vibrant red Jaguar with the word “Huggle” emblazoned on the back. To proudly display such a personal tribute requires a significant degree of self-assurance, not only in one’s parenting journey but also in one’s masculinity.
Adventures, Challenges, and Unwavering Support
A Dad eagerly anticipates sharing his passions and favorite activities with his children. He’ll meticulously pack his family into the car for countless long road trips, traveling to horse shows across the vast landscapes of the US and Canada. Along the way, he endures (and occasionally struggles with) the inevitable squabbling and bickering echoing from the back seat. While a Dad isn’t always a beacon of infinite patience, he might even, for a fleeting moment, make good on his playful threat to leave his feuding children on the side of the road – but only for a very brief, character-building pause.
And when a Mum’s leg is tragically shattered by the unexpected kick of an irritable horse at one of those very shows, what is a Dad’s immediate response? He steps up, taking command without hesitation. He embarks on a hundreds-of-miles journey, driving his truck, trailer, horses, and children all the way back from New York State, while his wife remains in the hospital. He then meticulously arranges for live-in help, enabling him to expertly juggle the demanding responsibilities of work, farm management, and family care as she slowly recovers over the challenging months that follow.
As an enthusiastic skier himself, a Dad can hardly wait to introduce his children to the thrill of the slopes. He bundles them meticulously in layer upon layer of warm clothing, ensuring they are prepared to hit the powdery runs, patiently enduring all their complaints about cold noses, fingers, and toes. And when an out-of-control skier carelessly knocks his little girl right off her skis, this Dad doesn’t hesitate. He chases the offender down the mountain, swiftly summoning the Ski Patrol to ensure accountability and his daughter’s safety.
A Dad, understanding his oldest son’s deep affection for the cowboy lifestyle, thoughtfully plans a special “boys only” road trip before the family sells the farm and transitions to city life. Picture this vivid scene: a classic big brown Chevy truck pulling a four-horse trailer, with the timeless melodies of Kenny Rogers and John Denver playing on the 8-track player. Just a boy and his Dad, forging unbreakable memories on the open road.
Protection, Nurturing, and Teenage Trials
The moment a Dad hears the terrifying news that his 11-year-old daughter has been hit by a car on her way to school, he drops everything. His work, his appointments—they become irrelevant. He rushes to the hospital with such frantic speed that he very nearly causes an accident himself, driven solely by an overwhelming need to be by her side.
During a memorable family vacation to France, a Dad might meticulously smuggle multiple jars of peanut butter into the country. He knows, instinctively, that his Canadian children simply cannot endure a few weeks without their beloved peanut butter. With a twinkle in his eye, that very same Dad also leverages his children’s suitcases to his advantage, cleverly smuggling multiple bottles of exquisite French wine back home, a testament to his resourcefulness.
And when the journey home proves particularly arduous, marred by lost luggage, harrowing turbulence, and his three-year-old son throwing up all over him, a Dad, despite his own exhaustion, will still prioritize helping his eight-year-old daughter recover from severe jetlag. While he undoubtedly yearns for a refreshing shower and the comfort of his own bed, he will instead climb into bed with her, gently stroking her face until she finally drifts off to sleep, putting her comfort above his own.
Those tumultuous teenage years can be a genuine struggle for a Dad. When you are a strong-willed, hormonally charged adolescent, and he is a steadfast, perhaps stubborn, “old fart,” clashes are inevitable. You might frequently find yourself disliking your Dad during these years, convinced that you will never truly see eye to eye. Conversely, your Dad might often feel frustrated with you during this period—and rightfully so, because teenagers can, at times, be spectacularly unlikable. Yet, through all the arguments, the groundings, and the battles of will, you never, for a single second, doubt that a Dad loves you. And that he engages in these fights precisely because he cares deeply, guiding you even when it’s difficult.
Evolving Roles: From Dad to Grandad
Dads of a particular generation often exhibited a fierce over-protectiveness towards their teenage daughters, subtly (or not so subtly) intimidating any young man who dared to show interest. He might even playfully, but with an underlying seriousness, mention owning a shotgun in the presence of a nervous young suitor. However, years later, long after his daughters have grown into capable, independent women, he might grudgingly, but proudly, concede that his girls were perfectly capable of handling themselves all along.
A Dad consistently strives to nurture and support your hopes and dreams. He might buy you books on archaeology for every birthday, uttering phrases like, “It would be absolutely wonderful to have a Dr. Currie in the family.” But if those ambitious dreams eventually prove not to be your true calling, and you fearfully confess your decision to leave your PhD program, he won’t respond with anger or disappointment *in* you. Instead, with gentle understanding, he’ll say something profoundly comforting, like, “Oh sweetheart, I am not disappointed IN you; I am disappointed FOR you,” acknowledging your pain rather than judging your choice.
As Dads continue to grow and evolve through life’s stages, they eventually embrace the cherished role of Grandads. And oh, let me tell you, real Dads make the absolute BEST granddads. When they hold your own little child in their arms, a magical transformation occurs, and you suddenly see them, and your relationship with them, in an entirely new and beautiful light. In some remarkable ways, they become even better Granddads than they ever were Dads. They willingly get down on the ground, despite the creaking of reluctant knees and hips, to play joyfully with your young children. Their greatest desire is for their grandchildren to forge good, lasting memories of them, ensuring their legacy of love continues.
The Ultimate Connection: More Than Just a Dad, a Friend
Upon discovering that his time on this earth is more limited than he had ever hoped, a Dad will make a specific, poignant request. He will ask for individual time with each of his children, requesting that you come one at a time, alone, without the usual families and distractions. This is so you can simply be together, in quiet intimacy, to say all those profoundly important things that might otherwise remain unsaid. In these sacred, quiet moments, he transcends the role of “Dad.” He also becomes a true, cherished friend.
The Enduring Definition of a Dad
So, what truly distinguishes a father from a Dad? It’s certainly not about being the flawless parent; any Dad in this room, or indeed anywhere, will unequivocally tell you that such perfection is an impossible aspiration. Dads are not perpetually patient or endlessly kind, and on occasion, they might even be downright stern or mean. But a true Dad will always, without fail, be there for you. He will consistently endeavor to support you, even during times when he struggles to fully comprehend your choices or your path. Above all, he will incessantly work to communicate, through actions and words, just how profoundly he loves you.
Dads are not simply born; they are meticulously made, forged and refined in the crucible of countless sleepless nights, an abundance of vomit-covered clothes, anxious hospital visits, fierce teenage battles of will, the proud walk down the aisle at their daughters’ weddings, the joyous births of grandchildren, and through all the inevitable highs and lows that define the challenging yet rewarding journey of parenthood. Each of these moments, every single one, tests the very mettle of a man. And if he is truly a Dad, and not merely a father, you, his child, will emerge from every single experience, safe and secure, enveloped in the enduring, unconditional certainty of his profound love for you.
Remembering John Currie: A Dad Through and Through
John Currie was a man of remarkable breadth and depth, embodying many roles for countless people throughout his life. He was a devoted son, a supportive brother, a beloved uncle, a loving husband, a cherished father-in-law, and an adored grandfather. Beyond his family, he was a trusted friend, an astute business partner, a wise advisor, a shrewd deal-maker, and a tough, yet fair, negotiator. His adventurous spirit led him to be a skilled sailor, a rugged cowboy, an intrepid scuba-diver, and a formidable skier. He possessed an infectious joy for life, evident in his fantastic dancing, and a playful side that earned him the affectionate title of “the ultimate cookie monster.”
But for me, and for my siblings, John Currie was, unequivocally, a Dad through and through. He wasn’t perfect, nor did he ever claim to be. And in truth, he never needed to be. His unwavering love, his enduring spirit, and his incredible presence made him simply amazing.